Full Circle

So, here I am once again missing my little birds. My three children have grown, taken flight. They are each living in different states. James is in Indiana, Allison in Arizona and Levi now lives  in Arkansas . These three states now hold my heart. I pray they go gently on my children, allowing them to prosper, grow and find love.

Don’t get me wrong, I am loving my little empty nest. I have no regrets that they are now soaring and testing their freedoms. I love to see how their lives are unfolding. But sometimes the ache is there as I live among all these memories. My children’s spirits as babies, toddlers, preteens, teens and young adults float beside me always. All I need do is to pluck a moment and there they all are, laughing, crying, fighting, loving, here with me again. But still I am excited for our future reunions. I’m excited for the new life they will bring back home with them. I am filled with joy and love when I realize what we have become.

While looking through some of my old writings I came across the following short blog that I wrote on my old MySpace account. It took me right back to the beginning of my children’s flight to total independence. College was finally finished and they were seriously moving out on their own. Packing up whatever they could fit into their beat-up old cars and moving out to Phoenix, AZ. I felt a certain excited, nostalgic confusion. It was a time of letting go and a time of looking ahead for all of us.

So this week I have been diggin up bones. It’s amazing how much we humans accumulate without even realizing it. I’m braving the trenches of our closets and pulling out everything we’ve outgrown, forgotten about, tired of, and just plain never cared for. It’s all going down in our family garage sale. The profits of which will go to help the two eldest in their huge adventure and move to Phoenix   AZ. later this month. Blown away by the memories I’ve recovered. The sweet faces of my babies tucked away in tubs. Hastily scribbled notes to me from them…both sweet and angry. Funny misspelled little stories and left behind well-loved toys and stuffed animals. Every little thing I’ve kept brought back so many wonderful memories. All of which I’ve tucked back into the tubs and boxes for more years of safe keeping till the little ones are grown with their own little ones and would love to share memories of their youth with them.

I cannot believe the amount of stuff I have. I was worried I wouldn’t have enough stuff on my own and should ask others to join the garage sale. But jeez, I guess I haven’t moved in like six years now so stuff has accumulated.

I’ve outgrown the doll collection that I collected after dad’s death. I was missing mom and dad and had a turn of craziness and bought a lot of the same kind of dolls that mom had picked up right before her Alzheimer’s started to get so bad. I think they were a grieving thing for me, a way to deal with missing them. But now, I think I’m okay and ready to move on. I also started to collect Frankoma pottery like mom did and I think I’m ready to part with that too.

Anyways, I’m so way ready to have this sale over, clean up the house and get back to normal. We’re hoping to make enough to help them with gas or maybe some second hand furniture when they get out there as all they are taking is what they can fit in three cars.

And here we are five years later. The youngest son has now moved a few states away while the oldest son has moved backed from Phoenix to a much closer two hours’ drive from me. My middle child and only daughter is now married and expecting her first baby. They also have plans to bring their little family closer to home. They bring me stories. Stories that make me chuckle. In these stories I hear them testing and using some of the same lessons I taught them so many years ago as a young mother. Do they realize some of these lessons were passed down to me from my mother? It seems our lives really are all about circles. As I feel our little family circle becoming complete once more, I rejoice and feel a smile beginning deep down in my soul.